Something Lost, Something Found
by Angel of the Honey Bees
Summary: It hit Dean pretty hard when Sam fell. His little brother was gone and he wasn't coming back. Dean thought he could bury the pain, until he finds a gift from Sam. Post 5.22 Swan Song


**Before we start, I need to give a huge shout out to ILoveSupernatural for letting me borrow her plot from her story, "Memories". Please read "Memories" as well as her other story, "Hey Jude", they are wonderful! She is such an amazing writer and was actually one of the authors that inspired me to write fanfiction so I wanted to dedicate this fic to her!**

 **No flames please, I'm still kinda new to this whole deal, but I absolutely love constructive criticism and ideas! Other than that, read on and enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I'm 15… I don't own anything much less Supernatural. That would be nice though.**

Dean was numb. His entire world had come to a crashing halt and he didn't know what to do. His singular reason for living, for fighting, was gone. Dean had lost the only thing that made him feel like the world was worth all the pain and darkness it threw at him. Half of himself was ripped away, leaving him broken and raw. Sam was gone and he wasn't coming back.

But Dean wouldn't cry, he wouldn't… couldn't let himself cry because he wasn't sure how he would ever piece himself back together if he did. Inside, he was screaming, clawing, tearing himself apart, but he wouldn't let it show, he would be strong for Sam, like he knew Sam would want him to be. He would live his life, would go back to Lisa and Ben and fight through each day to make it to the next, and the next and the next until he didn't even have to try. He would do it for Sam. His little brother. His everything.

Dean stood up without a word… there wasn't anything to say. He brushed Cas off and turned away from Bobby, not ready to face their looks of pity, and walked back to the Impala. The only sound that echoed through the field was of a single car door creaking shut, the unmistakable revving of an engine before the noise of tires squealing against grass as the car rocketed away. Dean didn't look back.

It was a perfect day for a drive in the black Chevy, the sun low in the sky, casting orange-yellow light across the sky and tops of the trees, Metallica was playing softly in the background, and the road was empty. The only missing piece was his passenger. Dean forced himself not to look at the empty seat beside him and focused on the road ahead, scared that if he looked, he would remember what happened and lose himself in grief. Sam wouldn't want that.

By then the cassette tape had ended and the car was silent except for the noise of the tires speeding across the faded pavement. Dean could almost make himself believe that everything was fine and Sam was just asleep… almost. The road suddenly curved straight into the glaring late-afternoon sun causing Dean to shut his eyes in pain and sharply pull down the visor above his head. As he did, he felt a small weight drop onto his lap and looked down. If someone had been watching from the side of the road, they would have heard the brakes slamming and seen the Impala skidding to a stop, leaving black tire tracts stretched behind it in two straight lines down the road. What they wouldn't have seen, was that in Dean's lap was his amulet, the one Sam had given to him at Christmas, all those years ago.

Dean felt tear prickle his eyes as he gingerly picked up the necklace, the familiar black leather curling around his fingers. He blinked, hadn't he left this in a motel trashcan? He couldn't believe Sam kept it, after all this time. Dean thought it was gone forever, a symbol that that piece of their relationship was broken permanently, but Sam had kept it the damn thing. _Of course he would_ , Dean smiled, _Sam always was the sentimental bitch in the family._ His grip tightened on the pendant as he held back tears. When he finally opened his eyes, his gaze fell on a neatly folded piece of paper on the floor of the impala between his feet. Dean paused, breathless before picking it up, a small smile quirked the edge of his lips up as he saw the seamlessly lined up corners of the note, Sam always folded paper that way, perfectly. Dean unfolded the letter, his breath hitching when he recognized Sam's handwriting. He took a deep breath looking out the window for a moment before starting to read,

 _Dean,_

 _If you are reading this, it is because I'm not around to say it to you. I know you hate chick-flick moments but, before you call me a hormonal girl, hear me out. These past few months have been tough and I haven't been the brother that I should have been. I guess I thought that by pushing you away, I could fix everything. I was wrong and I am so sorry._

 _You have always been there for me, in the good times and the bad. You've been the one person in the world I could always count on, the one person I know will always stand by my side no matter the odds. So, I guess I'm saying thank you. Thank you for teaching me to ride a bike, pick up a girl and to be brave. Thank you for helping me when I was having trouble with homework, correctly aiming during target practice and when I got in one of my many fights with dad. Thank you for driving me to the hospital when I broke my arm when I was 14, for giving me the last of the lucky charms when dad was on long hunting trips and for saying hi to me in the halls at school. When I was younger, I wanted to be just like my brave older brother, I wanted to be just like you, strong, courageous, everything I wasn't. You were my hero, and, in a lot of ways you still are._

 _And that brings me to the amulet. I wanted to give it back to you for a long time but I didn't think it would mean anything to you, not after the fight we had in that motel. But, I realize now, that despite what happened, what makes us brothers, is the unbreakable bond we have. No matter what happens, for better or for worse, you will never, ever, stop being my big brother. I know that this amulet means, or at least meant, as much to you as it still does to me and understand that I couldn't bring myself to leave it in a trashcan in a dirty motel. It just didn't feel right. Maybe when you read this and find the amulet, you will throw it out the window, or wish I hadn't returned it and just left it in the garbage where you dropped it, but I couldn't. I had to believe I could fix what I broke and the only way I could think of to do that was to return the symbol of what we lost to its rightful owner, you. Hopefully I can mend the rift I caused. Whatever you do with it now is up to you._

 _Okay, before I start vomiting from all the emotion, I just wanted to say that I am happy for you. Start a new life, the way you want. Go back to Lisa and Ben and pray to God that they take you back in. Get a dog. Become a competitive eater. I don't care, just live and be happy. Please. You deserve that and so much more. After all you have done for me, if I can give you peace, I will. Take care of yourself. I love you big brother._

 _-Sam_

By the time Dean finished the letter tears were spilling freely down his cheeks, splattering the paper, blurring the soft pencil marks. He squeezed his eyes shut. How could Sam think that all of their fighting was his fault? Dean was the one who dropped the amulet. Not Sam. It would never be his fault.

All the pent up anger and despair that had accumulated over the past months finally became too much. With hunched shoulders, Dean sobbed silently into one hand, the other white-knuckling the amulet in his palm. He stayed that way for a long time, quietly grieving for the loss of his little brother.

Dean would never again see Sam smile or laugh, or even see him showcase his signature bitch face. Dean would never again be able to hunt with Sam, eat bad food at crappy diners with him or watch porn on his computer without his permission. Dean would nave be able to joke around with Sam, have prank wars, or listen to classic rock with him. Dean would never again stitch Sam's cuts when he got hurt, have his back during hunts or, albeit poorly, sing Bon Jovi in the Impala together. Dean would never have a little brother to call Sammy again. His Sammy. His everything. Dean wasn't a brother anymore, he never would be again, and that only made him cry harder.

When Dean finally looked up, tears still in his eyes, the amulet was no longer in his hand, but around his neck. He reached down for it before bringing the small pendant to his lips.

"Love you too, Sammy. Now and forever."

Dropping the amulet to his chest, Dean threw the Impala into gear and sped off down the open highway.

 **That's it! I hope you enjoyed it and don't forget to check out ILoveSupernatural's stories! Thanks for reading!**


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